The day I promised my future teammates I would be a supportive leader.
Kansas City
1996: MP3 players and DVD players are introduced, the first Mission: Impossible with Tom Cruise premiers, Bill Clinton wins his second term, and Kraig and Jennifer Smith take their 10-month-old daughter from the cotton fields and swamps of rural Mississippi to the big city lights of the "Paris of the Plains" ... the "City of Fountains" ... the "Heart of America," aka, Kansas City, Missouri! There we began the arduous journey towards a Master's degree in theology. But, first, I needed a job ....
The natural fit was youth ministry. After all, I was a highly-trained and qualified teacher of teens. I'd had Adolescent Psychology and Child Development; I could write a lesson plan with the best; furthermore, I still enjoyed working with teenagers after 2.5 years in the classroom! What could possibly go wrong? Turns out, the one class I should have taken was Organizational Behavior.
The Beginning and the End
A local Baptist Church near my seminary hired me as their Youth Minister in August 1996, to set up their youth program. I was overjoyed to be making some money, working in my chosen profession, and adding some experience to my academics. I set about to organize the program into two sections: Junior High (7th-9th grades) and Senior High (10th-12th grades). Overall, there were about 20 teens involved, with plans for a much larger program.
The beginning of the end came in January of 1997. I planned a ski trip for both sections for two different days. One student, a seventh-grade girl, asked to go with the Senior High group instead of the Junior High group. I said, “No,” while explaining my desire to build community within the two groups. Her dad also came and talked with me, and I repeated the process of declining and explaining. In my opinion, it was clear and not that big of an issue. He, however, did not agree. Shortly after that conversation, I discovered I had been ghosted by the pastor, who would not answer my emails, my phone calls or even my office calls for about two weeks! Turns out, that girl’s dad was a prominent deacon in the church, and he wanted me gone for not allowing his 13-year old girl to go with the 16 years and older students. My first communication from my boss about this was when he called me in and fired me on the spot. There was very little explanation or discussion. I had lasted about six months.
Lessons Learned
That experience marked my leadership significantly, as I learned the distinction between a supportive supervisor and an undermining supervisor.
A Supportive Leader …
* Communicates,
* Explores decision-making process,
* Addresses issues,
* Provides top cover,
* Transparent,
* Authentic
An Undermining Leader …
* Takes sides,
* Concerned about status and power,
* Refuses to confront issues,
* Works best behind closed doors,
* Disempowers team members,
* Lacks authenticity
Reflection
1. Describe a time when you were undermined at work.
2. How has that experience changed your leadership style?
3. If asked, would your team describe you as empowering and protective or disempowering and undermining?
