Embracing the Shadows: A Journey Through Faith and Depression

The Struggles of Faith and Mental Well-Being

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

A Beautiful Image

Picture the most beautiful image you've ever seen. Choose one that makes you feel ALIVE. Maybe it’s the sun setting on Pike's Peak, a baby's smile, or yellow crocuses blooming in the white snow. Perhaps it's love's first kiss or the sun's warm greeting. Whatever it is, hold that image in your mind's eye. Focus on the details. Revel in the colors. Immerse yourself in the smells, feels, sounds, sights, and touches!

Now, take that life-giving image and slowly drain all the color and life out of it. Wipe out the joy, peace, exuberance, hope, and optimism. Replace them with dread, fear, anxiety, and the cold desperation of nothingness. Depression is a strange, new world of darkness and isolation. It grays out and reshapes each of life's varied experiences, dragging them all down to the same level of emptiness.

Elijah: A Prophet's Descent

In 1 Kings 18, the Prophet Elijah experiences great victory—the heights of success. Then, he receives a threat against his life from Queen Jezebel (1 Kings 19:2). This plunges him into fear and despair. Like many under distress, he flees! But this isn't a Robin Hood story. Elijah doesn't hide in the wilderness to gather a band of merry men to fight injustice. No, he first leaves his homeland and heads to Beersheba in the desert.

There, he abandons his servant and travels further into isolation—"a day's journey into the wilderness … and [sits] down under a lone broom tree" (v. 4). He isolates himself completely. In fact, he feels so alone that he begs God to take his life. The great Prophet Elijah—the miracle worker, advisor to kings, and arm of God's justice—is alone and suicidal.

Depression's Isolation

The isolating nature of depression is starkly depicted in Elijah's journey. He begins near Mt. Carmel, a lush area in modern Israel, where hillsides are covered with thick, green grass. The streams flow through these verdant hills into rivers and lakes. On a quiet day, you can hear the waters rustling and the herd stock lowing. Here, Elijah had friends and family. Support was available. God had hidden him from King Ahab in this area before. Yet, he chose to leave it all behind.

He journeyed into the desolate, rocky desert of the Negev, where the heat is oppressive, water is scarce, and life hangs by a fragile thread. This is the trick of depression. That depressive miasma—feeling of nothingness and despair—paints a picture of darkness and loneliness. It overcomes actual reality and drives the depressive into absolute isolation.

Jennifer: A Modern Struggle

Jennifer, preparing to graduate college, newly married and heading toward great success, found herself alone at the edge of life. Anxiety whispered that she wasn't good enough for people to like, so she quit reaching out. What was once enjoyable turned to dust in her mouth. She turned away from gatherings, laughter, and love. The pleasures of marriage became as lifeless as watching grass grow.

She figuratively traveled "a day's journey into the wilderness," until she found herself as isolated as possible, surrounded by the howling desert winds of her anxiety and depression. If Jennifer weren't married and loyal to her vows, she might have done like Elijah and abandoned her closest friend. She no longer found comfort in his embrace or joy in his smile. By her own admission, she felt herself going further into the wilderness until she too cried out, "It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life …"!

A Lifeline in Darkness

However, even in that isolated, empty, dark, and dreary world, both Elijah and Jennifer found a lifeline. Their stories reveal that even in the depths of despair, there is hope. They held on for dear life to the one thing that can save them.

The Power of Connection

Connection is vital in overcoming depression. It’s easy to feel alone, but reaching out can make a difference. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or a professional, sharing your burdens can lighten the load.

Seeking Help

Sometimes, seeking help is the bravest thing you can do. Therapy, support groups, or even talking to a trusted friend can provide the support you need. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Finding Purpose

Finding purpose can also be a powerful antidote to despair. Engaging in activities that bring joy or contribute to the community can help rekindle that spark of life.

Next week: Blessed Be the Tie That Binds