God, Faith, and Depression

In the Beginning

CRASH! The glass measuring cup dropped from Jennifer’s hand and shattered into a thousand, glittering pieces across the floor. Unable to cope with this loss and overcome by grief and rage, she rushed into the late afternoon air, slamming the door and leaving behind her husband, her infant daughter, and her life, and found herself face-to-face with who she had become—purposeless, directionless, boiling over with rage and despair. 

Meanwhile, buried in my seminary studies, all I knew was the CRASH and the SLAM. Left with the fear that my wife of three years might herself have finally shattered into a thousand pieces, I could only weep and pray for her return. Eventually, the door cracked open and she walked in. Looking me square in the eye, she said, “I’m going to fight you every step of the way, but I need to see a doctor.” Thus began a 13-year journey of coming to grips with God, faith, and mental illness. 

Unhelpful Words

In 1997, mental illness was highly stigmatized in the Christian Church—neither discussed nor understood. In my seminary, we mainly kept quiet about her depression, especially since, when we did seek help, we heard things like, “She needs to pray more,” or “Do y’all have enough faith?” Some suggested engaging in Bible Study more, practicing different hobbies, or confessing sin. The coup de grace was being asked this question—“Are you sure she’s actually a Christian?” 

Mental Illness and the Bible 

The fact is, however, that mental illness is highly prevalent through the Judeo-Christian text. Expand the following list for some examples--

Mental Illness in the Bible

• King David’s psalms are filled with his cries of grief and sorrow (Psalm 143);

• The Prophet Elijah asks God to take his life (1 Kings 19);

• Job wishes he had never been born (Job 17: 11-12);

• Overcome by grief, Naomi identifies as grief itself (Ruth 1:20);

• Hannah quit eating and started weeping (1 Sam 1:7);

• The Prophet Jeremiah—“the weeping prophet—felt cursed (Jer 15:10) and hopeless (Jer 15:18);

Note: While not mental illness, Jesus suffered the extreme emotions of fear and anxiety to the extent that He sweated blood (Luke 22:44)!

The Prophet Elijah

Elijah’s story is, in particular, fascinating to me. In many ways, it feels most relevant to our own battle with mental illness. Elijah bursts onto the biblical scene in 1 Kings 17 and eight chapters later dramatically departs this mortal plane in a fiery chariot (2 Kings 2)! During his ministry, Elijah … 

> points out King Ahab’s sinfulness (1 Kings 17), 

> performs miracles (1 Kings 17), 

> calls down a drought on the land (1 Kings 17),

> confronts Israel’s idolatry (1 Kings 18), 

> continually prophesies against King Ahab and Queen Jezebel (1 Kings 21),

> takes a hot ride to heaven (2 Kings 2). 

BAM! His ministry is done in 25 years. His influence, however, indelibly impacts both the Jewish and Christian Scriptures, even appearing to Jesus alongside Moses on the Mount of Transfiguration (Matthew 17). Elijah is a powerful figure, but about six years into his ministry, we see a different picture from the stalwart, bold, faithful prophet. We find him fleeing for his life, shedding his home, his friends, his help, and his desire to live as he runs away. As an article in European Psychiatry explains, “The prophet Elijah exhibits signs of reactive depression, triggered by stress after confronting the prophets of Baal and receiving a death threat from Jezebel (1 Kings 18:20-40). His symptoms—loss of appetite, isolation, low self-esteem, and hopelessness—are well-documented (1 Kings 19)” (Mental Illness In the Bible (Old and New Testament).

The Woman, Jennifer

In many ways, my wife’s journey into mental illness parallels that of Elijah. She, too, burst onto the college scene in dramatic fashion. In January of 1991,  this Northern beauty just appeared, seemingly from nowhere. Bold, faithful, wicked smart, and radically independent, she was quite a different person than most of the Southern girls I had grown up with. She wore little make-up, spoke her mind, repaired her own vehicle (imagine the shock when she walked into Auto Zone with dirty hands and asked for a new alternator—this was simply NOT done by Southern girls!), and did not back down from confrontation. It took only 2.5 years (yes, I’m very cautious in matters of the heart) before I asked her to make me the happiest man in the world! Jen is a powerful woman and I was proud to make her my wife. But about three months into our marriage, I realized that she had become a very different person from that powerful woman I had proposed to. While I did not realize it at the time, she was showing the same signs of depression as Elijah—loss of appetite, isolation, low self-esteem, and hopelessness. 

That Light is NOT a Train

Elijah’s and Jennifer’s journeys through mental illness brought them face-to-face with real and imagined threats to safety and well-being, descended into the dark depths of depression and suicide, and brought about an alternate view of how the world works. Ultimately, however, both arrived at a spot of healing in the midst of mercy and grace and touched by God’s hand. Jennifer still battles with her depression; I’m certain Elijah did, as well. Both will tell us, however, that faith in a loving God was their guiding light, not to be extinguished by the darkness of mental illness.

Next week: Prologue to Depression