Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
I love to read. There's something about opening a book and finding yourself in a world that's so different from your own that's magical to me. Through the pages of a book, I can do things I never thought possible. I can be a hero or a villain. I can travel to different worlds. I can use magic or technology that I could never dream of. In short, I could escape. And I have...frequently. Growing up, I read as many books as I could. These books were nearly all fiction, filled with worlds and people and things that didn't exist in the real world. I created my own world in my head, filled with my favorite characters and my own ideas. I preferred the fantasy of fiction to the truth of reality. Eventually, though, reality broke through. It took some very introspective meditation in order to understand why I wanted to hide from the world. That led to a very long process of healing, part of which was realizing some of the negative behaviors and thoughts I had and changing them. I had to learn to stop hiding in my own head, take off the rose-colored glasses, and start living my life in the real world, with all of the successes, failures, happiness, and misery that came with it.
Unfortunately, the rose-colored glasses have a way of coming back if you're not careful - especially as a leader. It's all too easy to fool yourself into thinking things are going well, as I was recently reminded of. I had a coworker point something out to me that was causing her issues. I was flabbergasted to realize that I had not only not noticed, but I had contributed to the problem! My own rose-colored glasses were firmly on, which meant that I didn't notice she was struggling. Instead of finding the problem before it became an issue and helping her with it, I was exacerbating the issue. Once she told me what was happening, I managed to leave my own world, where everything was perfectly fine, and begin making a plan to change my own behavior and help lead our team into a better future.
So how do you know if you're living in your own head? Here are a few things that can help you determine if what you're seeing is matching the reality of what's happening.
Ask someone outside of the situation to help hold you accountable. Ask them questions about what they're seeing so that you can determine if you're seeing all of the situation.
Pay attention to yourself. Are you making excuses or justifying behavior for others or yourself?
If possible, take a step back and look at the situation as if you had no part in it. Is what you see what you thought was happening?
Dreams and fantasy worlds have their place in life, but as leaders, we need to ensure we see reality not only when it comes to those we lead, but also when it comes to how we lead. Refusing to take off the rose-colored glasses just ensures that problems grow when they could be taken care of before they ever get that far.
Reflection:
Do you have someone who will tell you the truth about things?
Is there an area where you need to take off the rose-colored glasses? Is that area in the way you look at others or the way you look at yourself?
Are there any problems in your team that you could have stopped before they started because you were still wearing the rose-colored glasses?
