Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?)--The Who
... well pleased to recognise
In nature and the language of the sense
The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse,
The guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul
Of all my moral being--William Wordsworth, Tintern Abbey
Young and ignorant
On 02 April, 1994, at the age of 23, I was fairly certain I had a good sense of self. I was a college graduate with a degree in English and German, a teaching position at a local high school, and had been called into full-time Christian ministry. At 01:35 p.m., I was standing at the church altar, ready to say, "I do" to my beautiful bride walking down the church aisle. I was on top of the world! Three years later, that sense of self was lying battered, bruised, and beaten--losing life in the battle with my wife's clinical depression. Thus began my journey toward understanding and becoming my true Self.
"It's our roots that really give us our identity" (Rosalia)
Becoming
What is the Self? The 'self' (aka, identity) is the collection of characteristics, morals, values, and ethics which define YOU. It is, or should be, constantly evolving as we grow in understanding. This is not the sense of a chameleon, constantly changing to adapt to surroundings, but more the sense of becoming who we have been created to be--our true self. That concept of "becoming" is key to the search for identity. John Ortberg states that "the most important task of your life is not what you do, but who you become" (The Me I Want to Be). Becoming who we were created to be is a very spiritual concept.
Spirituality = one's inner belief system; what one believes about the meaning and purpose of life; how one experiences hope, love, inner peace, comfort, and support; it's about BECOMING! (Kraig Smith)
Picking up the pieces
After shattering myself against the implacable darkness that is clinical depression, I limped away (crawled?) to recover and pick up the pieces of my Self. Rose-colored glasses? I exchanged those for optimism with a dose of reality. Hollywood romance? I put that aside and began embracing the idea that love is patient, love is kind, love does not hold a record of past wrongs, and love bears all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Giving up when faced with difficulty? I began exercising perseverance and endurance, instead. A faith filled with unicorns, rainbows, and butterflies? Emptied that garbage food into the trashcan and started taking in the nutrients of truth, righteousness, peace, and prayer. Equipped with some new skills and equipment, my wife and I tackled Depression and all of her minions with new purpose accomplished, our mission as a married couple, and overcame stress--all benefits of a clearly articulated identity. Thirty years later, we're still at it.
Where do I begin?
In the best of all possible worlds, we figure out Self before we find ourselves in combat. However, the truth is that it is often only in those combative states that we find our true selves. As stated by Alan Rudolph, "Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it's often only found in moments of truth." Nonetheless, we can start this journey through self-reflection beforehand. Begin by answering these questions:
What is sacred or significant to me?
To whom do I belong?
Who am I to those around me?
What do people think of me when they see me coming?
Were all of the externals stripped away (job, uniform, bank account, house, our persona), what remains?
What are my morals, my values, and my ethics?
What do I believe about the meaning and purpose of life?
What brings me hope? Peace? Comfort?
How do I experience love?
Who am I becoming?
