God shows up!

Prologue

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

Tell me all your thoughts on God

The Christian Church has come a long way since 1997 in how She confronts mental illness.

When we first began this journey, the concept of mental illness was highly stigmatized, to the effect that people questioned Jen's salvation when they found out she was in the throes of depression. Much of the stigmatization comes from one's image of who the Judeo-Christian God is. For instance…

• If He is a gentle, old man, then mental illness leaves Him wringing His hands in despair, unsure of how, or if, He is able, to help;

• If He is angry and judgy, then mental illness leaves Him, well, angry and judgy, with lightning bolts at the ready;

• If He is pure love, then mental illness leaves Him sending ineffectual rainbows and butterflies to the sick one;

• If He is laissez-faire, then mental illness leaves Him with a resounding "Sucks to be you" echoing throughout the universe;

• If He only accepts happy, joyful people, then mental illness is a sign that the depressed one is less than acceptable;

• If He has no grace and mercy, then mental illness leaves one unable to attain the necessary standard to meet His approval;

• If He is a doddering, old fool, then mental illness leaves Him confused;

• If He is a giant, gumball machine who answers all prayers, then the depressed one is too stupid to put in the right prayer ….

The problem is that we--whether Christian or non-Christian--too often hold onto a one-dimensional view of God and then carry that point-of-view through life. In fact, the God of the Jewish and Christian Scriptures is so multi-faceted as to confound any attempt at one-dimensionality. The only way to understand God truly is through constant study of His Word, constant input from His Holy Spirit, and the full realization that the Judeo-Christian God generally refuses to fit in the box humanity stuffs Him into. And when He does not conform to our expectations, we can become irate, confused, and angry! Or, we become more aware of who He is and how He interfaces with His creation. God's interactions with Elijah during Elijah's depressive episode are prime examples of His acting differently than expected.

"Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you"

Up to v. 5b, Elijah's story in 1 Kings 19 has been one of fear, fleeing, growing isolation, depression, and a desire to die. This is where God finds Him--asleep under a tree (or bush) deep in the desert.

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Pause for a moment … if were you God, and you found your employee bummed out and sleeping on the job, far from his appointed place, how would you handle the situation?

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Well, what did you come up with? I can't imagine it looked anything like what happened!

Gustav Dore's woodcut illustration of an angel visiting Elijah

First, God sent an angel--His messenger--to Elijah (v. 5b-6). This is highly important for understanding who God is.

• He sees us, even in loneliness, desperation, isolation, depression, and other states we humans are vulnerable to (see Hagar's story in Genesis 16).

• He provides both presence and touch. Depressives usually neither like nor want presence and touch, while craving both at the same time. Elijah has isolated himself; nevertheless, God reaches into Elijah's reality and reminds him that he is not alone, after all.

Jennifer often relates the stories during her own depression where God provided His presence. She was reminded of this presence when watching her babies play or when experiencing another person's spiritual growth. These reminders gave her hope beyond the immediate, bringing to mind a bigger picture of God at work, even when she didn't feel Him at work in her life right then. These presence points also grounded her to the truth that she mattered.

• God takes cares of Elijah's physical needs ("Get up and eat … [Elijah saw] some bread … and water"). This is so powerful. Too often, our first reaction to depression is to MAKE IT GO AWAY! In our rush to make the other person happy (and, honestly, to keep from facing our own feelings), we start saying absurd things like, "Other people have it worse than you" or "Just think about positive things" or "It's not really that bad, is it?" or, my favorite, "Just smile and it will all be better!"

I'm trying to picture this angel giving Elijah motivational speeches at this point in the story and … I just can't.

Truth is that, 99% of the time, simple is the better route to take, and simple here means caring for Elijah's physical needs--food, water, and rest.

Jennifer had people in her life who took care of physical needs. For example, when visiting family, the Grandmothers would say, "I've got the kids, you go rest." Jen knew that meant the meals, diapers, baths, etc., were taken care of, and she was allowed to have a break. I would come home from work, having already planned for supper, so she didn't have to apply mental energy thereto.

Second, in vv. 7-9, God sends the angel back!

• As a teenager, I went through a period of what I now would classify as depression. Enveloped in pervasive sadness and filled with thoughts of how much better the world would be without me (even to the point of imagining my funeral), I longed to tell someone--anyone--but could not bring myself to do so. I remember my mom and my brother both asking me what was going on with me; however, after a few times of hearing me say, "Nothing … I'm fine," they never asked me again. I distinctly recall thinking at one point, "If they'll just ask one more time, I'll spill the beans!" That "one more time" never happened.

This is not to lay blame on anyone, but rather to underscore the importance of persistent re-engagement! God doesn't leave Elijah fed and rested and then never returns; He re-engages Elijah. Continuing to provide His presence, His touch, and His care for Elijah's physical needs, He then adds something different--encouragement. He tells Elijah, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you."

• I am fascinated by this statement. What … there's more to go? Why not encourage him, kiss his boo-boos, make it all better, and send the boy back to work, riding on a unicorn and escorted by singing birds and frolicking animals?

Friend, God nowhere promises immediate solutions to our problems and issues. We are each on a journey of our own spiritual and personal growth. While God doesn't promise to shortcut the journey, He does promise to strengthen us IN our journey (Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 103:13-14, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Deuteronomy 31:6).

Christian culture can often imply that struggles are somehow ungodly. We can believe that, as a child of God, we should be surrounded by blessings 24/7. Jennifer felt that. She often cried out for this "journey" to end. While God did not end it (she still struggles with some chronic depression, although much better managed), He did provide her moments of strengthening and vision. Val's encouragement to fill the house with praise music, Pat's mentoring, Vicki's honesty with her own struggles--these, and others, all provided moments of clarity for the way ahead, helping Jen continue to put one foot in front of the other and recognize the value of the journey (see 1 Cor 1:3-6).

• Indeed, strengthened by the rest, food, and drink, Elijah continues his journey. Reminder--Elijah is journeying towards the place of God's complete presence--Mt. Horeb, "the mountain of God," where "he went into a cave and spent the night."

• Much like a butterfly needs the struggle to fully form its wings (see more here), our spiritual development needs the struggle. Truthfully, we learn about God best in the struggle, and Elijah seems to understand this at an intuitive level. He continues the journey, and he will confront God face-to-face, for only then might he get the answers he craves!

Be like God--show up!

God showed up for both Elijah and Jennifer in some unexpected ways:

1. He provided presence, touch, and care;

2. He re-engaged;

3. He strengthened and encouraged;

4. He provided clarity about the journey;

5. Ultimately, He meets with Elijah face-to-face, and THAT is next week's post!