How I found gratitude for a "monster" in my past.
Perspective
Look at Greek and Roman art; the characters all seem to be just a stage above your basic stick figures. It is only when the Renaissance Era comes around that something called "perspective" comes into play, and paintings from that era begin to POP with depth, form, and dimension (https://myranaito.medium.com/the-importance-of-perspective-in-art-8cfb292effe). Paintings begin to look real to the extent that you often feel you could simply step into the scene and engage in some form of trans-dimensional travel.
Perspective is important for more than art, however. In preparing this next set of blog posts, I sought some perspective on my past. Before joining the United States Air Force, I worked as a Youth Minister for a guy who eventually fired me, traumatizing my young daughter in the process. I could not remember any positive leadership lessons from my five years with him. All that came to mind were the lessons I learned from having to deal with his wretched ways! It was clear to me that my memories of him had lost perspective, and he had become this one-dimensional villain in my life’s story.
Villainy
After all, that’s the easiest kind of villain to write! The formula is to take the villain, give a typical backstory (abuse, trauma, heartbreak, etc.), and write the villain’s morals and values completely antithetical to a well-run society. A complex villain is much harder to write and sometimes much harder to keep … villainous. Frankenstein’s monster, for instance, is popularly portrayed as a rampaging mish-mash of ill-gotten human remains. The true character, however, is portrayed as a misunderstood mish-mash of ill-gotten human remains! Had Frankenstein mentored, cared for, and assisted the monster, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's would have been something completely different, and the honor of writing the world's first horror novel would belong to another. Adding perspective to the monster gives him depth, form, and dimension. He becomes a tragic hero. For me, my former boss had lost all of that and loomed in my remembrances as a short, pudgy, balding menace with no real value as a person. Oooooof … not a good place to be.
Lessons Learned
Consequently, it was time to pull out my favorite perspective-granting tool, engage with my favorite perspective-granting person, and practice some self-reflection.
1. “What is the problem?”
“I can only remember this person as a villain during the time I served in ministry with him.”
2. “Why is that a problem?”
“I am afraid that I am missing depth and dimension from that time because I refuse to see any positives from him. Viewing him simply as a ‘villain’ allows me to devalue him as a person and to deny that he has value as a creation of God Himself.”
3. “What do you gain from seeing him simply as a villain?”
“It makes it easier to dismiss him in my history and allows me to deny any of my responsibility.”
4. “Not taking into account his later actions at the end of your five years together, did he do good things in the beginning that he generally carried through your time together?”
“Yes …
a. he ensured my paycheck included retirement funds;
b. he fought for raises every year for his staff members;
c. he valued children and recognized the importance of caring for them.”
5. “Are any of those ideas ones you have carried forward into your leadership?”
“Yes, all of them! I still fight for my team members to be recognized across the institution, and I continue to value children and their physical and spiritual safety.”
Perspective ... it adds form, depth, and dimension to any picture, whether hanging in an art gallery or on the mental walls in our mind. It allows a more accurate picture of reality and finds value even in the messiness of life. It prevents the stripping of humanity from others and the concomitant devaluing of God’s work in their own lives. While I am not planning to invite this former boss over for coffee anytime soon, I am at least able to find some gratitude for him in my life, and he has since become less of monster and more Greek tragedy.
Reflect
1. Describe a time you lost perspective about someone or something in your own life.
2. Who or what helped you to gain perspective?
3. What helps you to reflect?
4. Share a stick figure of your mental monster!
