Combating the shadow of depression

Prologue

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

The Shadow of the Valley of Death

Depression is a strange beast. Whether it comes upon a person slowly or quickly, the depressive often may not realize that his or her perception of reality has changed. This is not unlike the infamous frog in warm water, so acclimated to the slowly-increasing temperature that he doesn't realize he's boiling until it's too late! Likewise, the depressive may not be aware that the depressive clouds of gloom and doom are gathering, slowly casting darkness upon the inner light of hope and contentment until a myopic shadow is all that remains. By that time, the Shadow seems so very normal.

Because hope has been dulled and contentment has been placed under lock and key, the depressive begins to reach out for anything that will cause contentment! And while the sex, the drugs, the rock and roll, the shopping spree, the new relationship, the change in profession, and whatever else may cause a spark of contentment, the Shadow invariably pours water on the spark and the hunt begins anew. This happens even when one finds oneself in the very presence of God.

Kvetching, whinging, bellyaching, and more!

Elijah has traveled many miles to Mt. Horeb to be in the presence of God, and

God asks Elijah a very simple question--

"What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:9b).

Elijah is not recorded telling the Lord "Thank you" for the food, drink, and rest he received in the desert. Elijah doesn't high five God for backing him up on Mount Carmel when he confronted the 450 priests of Baal. There's no campfire around which they sit and swap stories. No, Elijah says this--

" ... I have been very zealous for the Lord God of Armies, but the Israelites have abandoned your covenant, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left,  and they are looking for me to take my life" (1 Kings 19:10).

Notice how Elijah's reality is centered around one specific individual--himself and his fears. Notice what he says--"I have been very zealous ... I alone am left ... my life [is being threatened] ..." (emphases mine). There is no bigger picture; there is no sense of equilibrium; the Shadow has made Elijah's fears the center of all things.

Elijah is not alone in this. This self-centered reality is common for depressives, and the issue is that they simply do not see that they are in an alternate reality far removed from what is real because the fear is too large. In between Jennifer's bouts of depression, she commonly stated, "I just didn't know any better. It all seemed so normal." The need for that bigger house, that different car, those new clothes was "normal." Conversely, the lack of need for intimacy, community, a clean house, etc., was also "normal." She simply could not see beyond the shadow of the fears to the much more manageable reality of the actual fear.

How do we engage?

So, how might one begin to break into that cloying, suffocating, maddening darkness? What makes the Shadow loosen its hold?

DoubleShot

My younger daughter was riding a horse named DoubleShot yesterday. DoubleShot is an anxious horse and doesn't always have a lot of emotional control. For whatever reason, as Sierra was riding, DoubleShot's anxiety took over and she bucked and then she wanted to shoot off like a rocket towards home! The normal response is to CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL that runaway horse. Pull on the reins! Yell! Whip the horse! What Sierra did (with the help of her trainer's clear directions) was the complete opposite. She settled back into the saddle to regain balance with the horse. She engaged DoubleShot's mind through small changes and inputs and helped the horse think about something else besides her anxiety. She remained calm and communicated that calm energy to DoubleShot. In effect, Sierra helped DoubleShot regulate her emotions, overcome her anxiety, and come back to equilibrium without incident.

Too often, those engaging with a depressive who is in the grips of anxiety and fear want to exert CONTROL! We frequently attempt to exert this control by yelling, screaming, isolating, threatening, punishing, disengaging, and so on. I speak from personal experience when I tell you, dear reader, that none of those work. What DOES work, is what Sierra did with DoubleShot.

Stay in balance with the person, provide small changes and inputs. Help the depressive think about something else besides his or her anxiety and fears. Communicate a calm energy back to the depressive. In doing so, the Shadow begins to lift, even if ever so slightly, and hope begins to shine.

The Rest of the Story

This story of Elijah and how the Creator interacts with him in his brokenness is utterly fascinating to me. God's responses to Elijah are not what we might expect. How so? Well, that is the topic for next week!