the shadow ... named!

Prologue

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

Gossamer and Bugs Bunny

The Shadow . . .

When we last left Elijah (Combatting the Shadow of Depression), he was standing in the awe-inspiring presence of God and complaining. Now, I understand that complaining to God is a fairly normal human response. But this complaining occurs AFTER God has shown Elijah various manifestations of His power! Generally, we humans are humbled enough after such a showing to change our attitude, I think. Job did. After arguing with his friends and complaining against God, God shows up in a storm and starts firing questions at Job. Job quickly changes his tack and says, "I am unworthy--how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth" (Job 40:4). This is not Elijah's modus operandi, however. He utters that exact same complaint as before God's exhibitions of power. What is going on? How can anyone stand in God's presence and simply complain?

Last week's post discussed living in the shadow of depression and how that might look. I described it as an "alternate reality" and very self-centering. Furthermore, being under such a metaphorical cloud of darkness and despair is joy-sucking, and not for the depressive alone, but for most in the depressive's orbit. But … there is good news!

Named!

During Jennifer's journey, she and I came to a point where the depression was so familiar that we gave it a name, stating that "Ursula has come to visit." There are many reasons for naming Jen's depression:

1. It established familiarity and allowed us to recognize the unwanted guest in the house;

2. Naming that aspect made it less frightening and easier to understand;

3. It became more public to us and less hidden;

4. We were able to mark more clearly when Ursula arrived and when she left;

5. Naming the depressive episodes made our actions more purposeful;

6. Overall, naming the depression "Ursula" gave us a better handle on the depressive episodes and made it less scary.

Psychologists call this "affect labeling." It is defined as labeling negative emotions in order to gain control (Psychology Today). Evidently this works because the naming of the emotion takes it out of the "lizard brain" (the amygdala) and into the thinking brain (the frontal lobe), and we begin to reason instead of emote. While psychology speaks of labeling the emotions as "fear," "anger," etc., we used "Ursula"!

The shadow of depression also has a real name. It is called anhedonia. Formed from the Greek [an- (without) + hedonia (pleasure)], anhedonia  is the literal absence of pleasure, or, a reduced ability or an inability to experience pleasure, joy, or interest in previously-enjoyed activities. Anhedonia is why Jennifer quit crafting, enjoying movies, going out with friends, playing the flute, and more. On a more intimate level, she even quit, to a large extent, enjoying the company of her husband and children! In her own words, she "quit enjoying being an active participant in her own life."

This brings us back to Elijah. If one buys into the idea that Elijah is having a depressive episode, then anhedonia is the only reason he could stand in the presence of God and complain. His depression--the anhedonia aspect--had stolen from him the ability to meet "the chief end of man," which the Shorter Catechism of Westminster Confession states is to "glorify God and to enjoy Him forever".

Now What?

Simply put, anhedonia is the darkest part of depression's shadow. For the depressive's loved ones, it feels very personal. For the depressive, it makes life feel very empty. But here's the good news! If you or someone you know is caught up in the vicious reality of anhedonia, the quickest, easiest way to tackle this issue is to name it. Pull it out of the shadows … stare at it … understand that this reality is, in fact, NOT reality! It's a big, ugly creature sitting square on your lizard brain, for sure, but it doesn't have to stay there--glaring at you, whispering into your ear, casting its huge, dark shadow over all things. Pull it from that lizard brain into your frontal cortex by naming it. You'll recognize it for what it is--manageable! And once you begin to manage that anhedonia, the ability to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever" (along with other pleasures) will slowly, but surely, begin to change from anhedonia to simply hedonia!

Gossamer and the Hare-Dresser

The Rest of the Story

This story of Elijah and how the Creator interacts with him in his brokenness is utterly fascinating to me. God's responses to Elijah are not what we might expect. How so? Well, that is the topic for next week! <-- I know I wrote this last week, but it's really true this time!